butterfly. babies. love.

12.16.12 i weep today. i weep for a world that has lost wide-eyed innocence, and will never see the potential, the beauty, the unique joy of so many bright children. i weep for you little ones who lost your lives to senseless violence to evils you never imagined to tragedies you never deserved. i weep for you who greeted each morning with joy and excitement and for you who ended each day clutching a teddy bear and whispering a prayer for you who filled your mommy’s heart with a special love for you who held the key to your daddy’s heart for you who was just learning to tie your shoe for you who was a big brother or a little sister or a younger brother or an older sister for you who had an angelic demeanor for you with the mischievous eyes for you with the endearingly crooked smile for you who looked forward to Christmas and cookies and snow for you who enjoyed the hot sun on summer days as you played and swam and ran. i weep fo...

i don't want to bring myself to face the fact that the summer is over. the summer was filled with so much excitement and joy. it was an amazing escape from stress and work and missing my girls during the day. i loved getting used to having them with me all day, and here i am transitioning again to full days and full weeks of work. i was never one to easily accept major change... but going from no children to two children just seemed so natural; and now, as the girls grow up, it seems that they learn and grow in this perfect balance of subtlety and progress. this summer started with the girls saying small phrases, and now they are having full conversations with mommy and daddy and always each other. they are counting to ten and love singing their abc's. they met their new cousin gideon and got to ride with rocky for their roadtrip to illinois! they have favorite phrases and favorite songs. they seem to pick up lyrics after hearing them for just the first time and have beco...

with an abundance of amazing moments to record, i find myself writing nothing down. because while enjoying life in seconds of precision, i cannot step back and string accurate observations together. by the time i sit to jot down or type out these elaborate poetic phrases, the beauty of the words have become puzzle-pieced memories, a hodgepodge of experience and observation -- that could never, now, be accurately conveyed. i rationalize that i spend time to live instead of hiding away to write proof of life. but in reality, i know, that when my children are grown, i will long to remember and review, wanting to remind myself of the simplicity and innocence of these days, i will wish that i had taken the time to create line after line after line of eloquence and appreciation, if only to pay homage to the beauty of this existence. an existence covered in sticky kisses and occasionally held by small, gentle hands. an existence that is drenched in times of perfection. ...

one of the highlights of our trip to dallas was having viy and cai spend time with their cousins.  the waterpark by the house was the perfect spot. i loved to watch my little girls splash and giggle, explore and spin, and just enjoy so much simplicity. the cool drops of water, the warmth of the summer sun, connecting with cousins. what a perfect memory.  precious  danny playing together sheer joy no fear we have to leave? a little more please  such a beautiful little girl, my niece    creating a lasting memory for mama

tuesday was supposed to be a peaceful day. the girls and i were meeting up with friends for a small picnic. we were enjoying a light lunch with watermelon and sammies and pita and hummus. we were laughing, playing, admiring our children and appreciating the summer. suddenly viy is on the ground. in my arms. not responding entirely. her eyes roll back. i feel her limp. shallow breathing. she is so small and helpless, crumpled here in my embrace. i do not cry. i cannot cry. my friends are there to help in any way. i somehow talk through a 911 call. i talk to my hubby. i am approached by officers; i try to explain that my baby is going in and out of consciousness... for what seems like forever followed by an eternity. i tell cai that her sissy is fine. i tell viy that everything is fine; Jesus is with her. i see the ambulance. my hero... so strong i am fearful, but i hold tight to my faith. i pray to a faithful God. i do not know how i did ...

i blink and more than a month has passed. i try to recollect all the major events, and i find that my memories are a flurry of smiles, walks, laughs, naps, strong will, snuggles, tantrums, celebrations, and words... lots of new words. we went to new york to wish micah a happy birthday: the girls had a great time with their cousins and the inflatable pool auntie stacy visited: the girls reconnected with their old nanny in a matter of minutes there was a visit to the ER: caiah was wheezing and had to get a nebulizer treatment at 19 months, the girls had their first real fever: they stayed so strong and happy the girls had their last day of daycare until august; it perfectly ended with one last buggy ride i had my last day of work: thank God i made it through another school-year we joined gymboree again: the girls love that play area and gymbo the clown rocky has become the girls' favorite playmate: the poor guy is smothered in affection and often roughe...

i have been loving watching my babies grow into little girls. and sure, they are only 18 months, but the days of bottles, high chairs, teethers, crawling, and baby food seem so long ago. i miss it some days, of course. in fact i may miss it just a little every day, but i have no complaints about the excitement that each day of their development brings now. yesterday was such an amazing time for our little family. after church and before brunch, we took a little stroll in the park. we snapped some pictures and laughed a lot. i saw my little girls point out the grass, the buggies, the sun, the trees... as they ran to each other and asked me to hold their hands one minute, while running free and independent the next. motherhood has brought so much purpose to my life, so many more obstacles, so many more responsibilities, so many more prayers... and so, so much more joy. with rockstar being such good girls at brunch aviyah flying high with daddy micaiah loving he...