butterfly. babies. love.

march 20th was international happiness day.  i loved seeing clips and links online of stories, scenes, and pictures that made people happy. it was a nice break from the usual...  and i started to reflect on what makes me happy. i listed a few cute-as-a-button anecdotes in my head and replayed some funny memories and then i started thinking about how happiness is fleeting.  happiness is a moment, even a long moment, that makes us smile or fills us with some sort of elation, but happiness dissipates. it comes and goes constantly, and occasionally making its presence known in the middle of a bleak day or a long winter, after that much-needed conversation, during a beautiful walk, while we are laughing with friends and loved ones. it reminds us of its existence when we are stopping to take a sip of warm tea or that morning coffee, and we have that nice moment. that moment where we smile and take a deep breath, and all seems well with the world. happiness is a gr...

i know that all kids are pretty hilarious, but sometimes the girls are so funny or so witty or so logical or clever, that i have decided i need to start writing some of these snippets down.... i'll try to update when i can, but i know that i have already forgotten a hundred undeniably adorable words! me: i love you to the moon and back cai: well, that's good.... but i love you to the stars and back (daddy told her some stars are farther than the moon) viy: can i have dessert? me: bunny, dessert is after dinner.... you haven't even had dinner yet, you just finished lunch. viy: i did have dinner. me: what did you have for dinner? viy: breakfast. cai: viy, you can't drink from my cup. there could be germies. that would be so bad. only babies would do that. not a big kid. viy: cai, do you remember a few months ago? you ate from giddy's cake... he was barfing all day. what about his germies? cai: yeah, i got those germies. you want them too? hubs: wh...

here's to a new year: here's to the four seasons covered in snow, and rain, and sunshine, and falling leaves, and flurries once again, reminding us of God's craftsmanship and the necessity of change here's to the quiet moments of introspection and solitude, of restfulness and peace here's to the loud clashing of deadlines and due dates, of fears and failures here's to the trials and tribulations that test our character and force our discovery here's to a world that embraces thoughtfulness and charity and truth here's to a community of believers that will witness and help and believe and love here's to the lives that we are yet to meet and hold and to the ones we will part with as we whisper goodbyes here's to the future heroes that have not yet chosen their path and to those who have not yet grown weary of doing good here's to those who are sinking in desperation finding hope and acceptance and life ..... here's to our litt...

I am finding that being content should not be dependent on my circumstances. I am finding that raising two beautiful, loving, creative, bright and kind children in an unjust and fallen world is challenging and eye-opening and incredibly humbling. I am finding that there is a peace that cannot be stolen from me or scared out of me no matter how many tragic stories I read or how many news articles I browse.  I am finding that my joy does not come from a new home, new year, or even new challenges.  I am finding that my little ones are strong and smart and unique though, i know, that at some point each of those characteristics will be questioned and threatened by society.  I am finding that I am completely in love with my husband and am so blessed by the way we have evolved into husband and wife and into daddy and mommy. I am finding that I am incredibly inept on my own -- that I need direction and divine guidance and an assurance that comes from above.  I am finding t...

i have had a major realization this summer... the girls are not babies anymore. they are big. big personalities. loud. funny. big amount of courage. exploring. pursuing. big joys. each other. doggies. big dreams. doctor. engineer. teacher. nurse. big conversation. the day's events. the future. big laughs. silly jokes. hilarious dances. big ideas. inventing. creating. big attitude. stubborn. strong. logical. big hugs.  big challenges. big tasks. big passions. big accomplishments. big girls. it seems as though the days of bottles and diapers, baby talk and cooing, swaddling and rocking to sleep are l-o-n-g gone. and i miss that sometimes. in fact, sometimes i cry when i think of how sweet and serene it was when they used to take their naps on me. i will often tear up when my mind replays images of those first smiles and the sounds of those first giggles, or the first time they said "i love you." i cannot help but smile when i think of them signing "more...

so i'm not going to lie, as of late, there have been some frustrating moments raising the girls... two toddlers who are competitive, curious, strong-willed, smart, and loud are wonderful, but those characteristics definitely present their own challenges. they throw tantrums - kicking and screaming, or they suddenly start crying, and this can often be set off by the tiniest thing... the wrong cup, her sister got to do something first, someone answered a question correctly before she did, her food is not arranged properly on her plate, wrong socks, wrong pants, wrong shirt, the weather was rainy, rocky won't sit, rocky won't lick her hand, rocky won't shake her hand, rocky won't stay, wrong colored crayon, the stars in her bedroom are off and then the stars are on, her sticker doesn't stick anymore, she got reprimanded for not listening, she had to be put in a time-out... and even with all the mystery and confusion, there are so so many things that i love a...

for the past few days in class, our students have been watching the amazingly moving and touching film, life is beautiful . it is an incredibly eloquent cinematic masterpiece that speaks to the sadness of the holocaust, and yet so beautifully highlights and illustrates the love and devotion of a man for his family. in the end, somehow, his love wins. despite all odds, he never stops loving or laughing or painting this image of a beautiful life for his child. in previous years, i have always focused on guido, the main character. he is charming and humorous and silly and so positive in the face of such cruelty. i have, at times, focused on dora, the wife, who is dedicated and silently strong, open and willing to fall in love and to follow love wherever it may take her. a woman who embraces a spontaneous and powerful love. but since the girls have been born, and especially this year, i focus on joshua - the beautiful wide-eyed child who is shielded from some of the dar...