butterfly. babies. love.

days have passed and seasons have turned and my children are growing... the past months have been filled with laughter brought on by joy, tears brought on by circumstance, decisions brought on by demand, and change brought on by necessity.  from the time i last posted, much has changed, shifted, or rearranged in our lives.  my two brave four-year-old children who entered private kindergarten were bombarded by one undesirable scenario after another and we were forced to pull them from their school. my still brave, resilient, and bright five-year-old girls are now thriving in a private pre-k that seems to be preparing them for their first year of public school kindergarten in the "big building" come august.  my littlest bubba is now walking and clapping and inserting herself into her older sisters' activities. she is independent most of the time, entertaining herself and priding herself on silly antics that make us laugh and cheer. she is headstrong, undeniably...

tomorrow my oldest girls start kindergarten. they will venture off into the world of formal education and begin a very special journey. along with learning about letters and numbers and other incredibly important basic concepts, they will begin to learn about the resilience of their character and the strength of their work ethic. i attempted to share small pieces of advice as they picked out their dresses and started filling their backpacks. as they grabbed their snacks and helped make their signs, i continued to talk about the important things. my advice fell into 4 main categories. for my girls, as they start kindergarten.... 1. be kind. personally, i feel that being nice is not that hard. it does not take too much commitment. it can last a few seconds and it is sometimes, simply, a sweet gesture at face value. you should be nice, of course, and you should always aim to be polite and make a good impression. but kindness requires a deep heartfelt choice. kindness demands act...

as the school year comes to a close, i think about what i would like to teach my girls... On Education: girls, i hope that the wide-eyed wonder with which you seem to approach every book these days, stays with you as you navigate through the educational institutions you attend on your journey. i pray that your curiosity grows with each course and each subject matter, that you investigate and explore and research and discover. i hope that you construct knowledge in your own unique ways and that you realize that knowledge is not absolute. i hope you always love literature and that you embrace the power of the written word. i hope that you find yourself through your own writings and awaken passions to travel and to study culture and to explore the world through great stories and poetry and treasured rhetoric. i hope that you acknowledge the beauty and complexity of science and math and history and other fields of study also. please respect your teachers. know that they h...

as i begin to write this entry, i look down on my lap to see a 15 week old beauty, nestled so sweetly and perfectly in a blanket, sleeping ever so peacefully on my lap. i am moved constantly by her delightful sounds and giggles, her undeniable cuteness, and the way her little mouth purses to attempt to speak, and then to pout, and then to smile and attempt to speak again. she has moved me by her pure innocence and her helplessness and her resilience, by her need to be near me and to hold me and to feel my skin and to hear my heartbeat. i think of her sisters and how often they have made me shed tears of joy and of wonder also. how they have moved me simply with one word, often said at just the right time or the awfully wrong time, and how their complex personalities and intense love often make my heart feel like bursting. i am moved by their passion for all that is good, and their intrigue about why things are wrong, their prayers and their screaming arguments, their logical banter ...

2015 will be a year of penning suggestions, prayers, advice for my girls. on love: love is not something simple. love is complex and it is most definitely worth waiting for. waiting is difficult, but it is necessary because you gain much knowledge and learn many lessons, all the while holding onto your own sense of independence and understanding of your unique place in this world. your daddy says that although it seems incredibly hard to wait for love, once you have it, you will see why it was so important. but, yes, it is hard when you are on the other side. i can tell you, with all honesty and sincerity, that love from a man is not something that you should be rushing towards; you should not move in that direction until you know your own value and your own worth, not until you understand that you are not defined by this world's standards of beauty or success or belonging. love can be once in a lifetime and it should be something that you pray about and fight for and wo...

elisea sara greeted us with smiley eyes and a knowing smirk. we are absolutely enamored with her. this pregnancy and elisea's birth was a bit different than what i had with viy and cai. there was a lot more associated with elisea joining us. there was more expectation, more activity, and more, dare i say, pressure.... you see, when viy and cai were in my womb, we had no idea what to expect. the miracle of pregnancy was wonderful and then the miracle of twins was another layer of amazement for us. it was more than we had ever believed for ourselves, and we were constantly in awe of what God was doing and knew that our world would change, but that change was unknown. this time around, there was an element of experience and components of knowledge that informed our decisions and activities. we tried to get as much time in with the girls and ensure that Christmas season would still be about enjoying the story of Christ's birth, and celebrating with a tree and lights and ...

my short list. i am thankful for God's Love: a Love that is too sacrificial and too remarkable for my human heart to fully contain... and for a Grace and Hope that is too divine and illogical and limitless for my human mind to even begin to fathom. i am thankful for a strong, stubborn man who loves our family with every ounce in him, understanding my quirks and weaknesses, while encouraging me through his quiet gestures and his commitment to responsibility and love.  i am thankful for two little girls -- fierce and loyal and strong-willed and tough and still soft around the edges... for the incredible joy of watching them grow and the unique love that i get to receive and offer daily.  i am thankful for the littlest one being formed in my womb, for the suspense and the excitement and anxiety that she brings with each turn and kick and movement and heartbeat... and for the incredible opportunity to, once again, nurture and carry a child for these months of intima...