loving these days

i have been loving watching my babies grow into little girls.
and sure, they are only 18 months, but the days of bottles, high chairs, teethers, crawling, and baby food seem so long ago. i miss it some days, of course. in fact i may miss it just a little every day, but i have no complaints about the excitement that each day of their development brings now.

yesterday was such an amazing time for our little family. after church and before brunch, we took a little stroll in the park. we snapped some pictures and laughed a lot. i saw my little girls point out the grass, the buggies, the sun, the trees... as they ran to each other and asked me to hold their hands one minute, while running free and independent the next.

motherhood has brought so much purpose to my life, so many more obstacles, so many more responsibilities, so many more prayers...

and so, so much more joy.

with rockstar

being such good girls at brunch

aviyah flying high with daddy

micaiah loving her solo shot

my little ladies

the best daddy in the world with the best little girls

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The Most Beautiful Mama

My mama has always been beautiful. It is a beauty that is natural and effortless and is the type of beauty that filled my heart with longing when I was a child. I can recall staring at how flawless the even color of her skin was, how adorable the few freckles were on her cheeks, how symmetrical her nose was. I remember thinking how absolutely perfect she looked in a sari, her pleats folded so pristinely, and the tuck of material into her waist seamless and smooth. I would often feel the softness of my mother’s hands. Hands that had delicate fingers that moved with precision and purpose. Hands that kneaded chapati dough and even held tight to a lawn mower. No matter what she did, her hands were always soft, always welcoming, always beautiful. But she never liked to focus on her own physical beauty. My mother’s true beauty comes from within. I understood certain aspects of this inner beauty when I was a child. The beauty that comes from her servant’s heart and her work ethic -

conversations.

i find myself thinking a lot about the condition of this world, of this nation, and of the hearts of man. i just open my eyes and really look around or open my ears to truly listen, and i cannot help but face the reality of evil. the reality of corruption. the reality of prejudice. the reality of inequality. the reality of bigotry. the reality of entitlement. the reality of self-righteousness. the reality of immorality. the reality of sin. i have struggled with the presence of these realities for a significant part of my life, and maybe to some degree for all of my life. but now i struggle with them beyond my identity as a woman, or a child of immigrants, or an educator, or an indian-american, or a Christ follower. i struggle with these harsh realities as a mother. you see, we are trying our hardest to raise three people who will one day change their world. i believe that they can, and i pray that they will. these three little girls have hope in their souls and eternity i

i am left...

it was a grocery store in buffalo. and it was a church in laguna woods. and it was an elementary school in uvalde, texas. it is all the times in between and all the times before. and God please help us, it is all the times after. i am left with my mind in a jumbled mass of arguments and anger, my heart a knot of ache and pain. i am left with my soul stretching its voice to plea. i am left as i attempt to send my children off to school and myself to walk into my own classroom with my will torn to shreds... barely a thread hanging onto any purpose at all. i am left weeping before bed, sobbing on the way to work, shuddering at the thought of this happening and america continuing on like usual. i am left scrolling through pictures of beautiful humans that will never breathe again, left reading posts of those who miss the laughs of their cherished, left staring at photos of special occasions, a frozen moment that was supposed to be one in a series of many more. left searching for the

butterfly. babies. love.

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