butterfly. babies. love.

I am finding that being content should not be dependent on my circumstances. I am finding that raising two beautiful, loving, creative, bright and kind children in an unjust and fallen world is challenging and eye-opening and incredibly humbling. I am finding that there is a peace that cannot be stolen from me or scared out of me no matter how many tragic stories I read or how many news articles I browse.  I am finding that my joy does not come from a new home, new year, or even new challenges.  I am finding that my little ones are strong and smart and unique though, i know, that at some point each of those characteristics will be questioned and threatened by society.  I am finding that I am completely in love with my husband and am so blessed by the way we have evolved into husband and wife and into daddy and mommy. I am finding that I am incredibly inept on my own -- that I need direction and divine guidance and an assurance that comes from above.  I am finding that I will never fi

i have had a major realization this summer... the girls are not babies anymore. they are big. big personalities. loud. funny. big amount of courage. exploring. pursuing. big joys. each other. doggies. big dreams. doctor. engineer. teacher. nurse. big conversation. the day's events. the future. big laughs. silly jokes. hilarious dances. big ideas. inventing. creating. big attitude. stubborn. strong. logical. big hugs.  big challenges. big tasks. big passions. big accomplishments. big girls. it seems as though the days of bottles and diapers, baby talk and cooing, swaddling and rocking to sleep are l-o-n-g gone. and i miss that sometimes. in fact, sometimes i cry when i think of how sweet and serene it was when they used to take their naps on me. i will often tear up when my mind replays images of those first smiles and the sounds of those first giggles, or the first time they said "i love you." i cannot help but smile when i think of them signing "more

so i'm not going to lie, as of late, there have been some frustrating moments raising the girls... two toddlers who are competitive, curious, strong-willed, smart, and loud are wonderful, but those characteristics definitely present their own challenges. they throw tantrums - kicking and screaming, or they suddenly start crying, and this can often be set off by the tiniest thing... the wrong cup, her sister got to do something first, someone answered a question correctly before she did, her food is not arranged properly on her plate, wrong socks, wrong pants, wrong shirt, the weather was rainy, rocky won't sit, rocky won't lick her hand, rocky won't shake her hand, rocky won't stay, wrong colored crayon, the stars in her bedroom are off and then the stars are on, her sticker doesn't stick anymore, she got reprimanded for not listening, she had to be put in a time-out... and even with all the mystery and confusion, there are so so many things that i love a

for the past few days in class, our students have been watching the amazingly moving and touching film, life is beautiful . it is an incredibly eloquent cinematic masterpiece that speaks to the sadness of the holocaust, and yet so beautifully highlights and illustrates the love and devotion of a man for his family. in the end, somehow, his love wins. despite all odds, he never stops loving or laughing or painting this image of a beautiful life for his child. in previous years, i have always focused on guido, the main character. he is charming and humorous and silly and so positive in the face of such cruelty. i have, at times, focused on dora, the wife, who is dedicated and silently strong, open and willing to fall in love and to follow love wherever it may take her. a woman who embraces a spontaneous and powerful love. but since the girls have been born, and especially this year, i focus on joshua - the beautiful wide-eyed child who is shielded from some of the darkest acts in m

so... the girls have a million names for everyone, and i just had to record a list, so that i could remember how ridiculous and repetitive and silly they are: for Rocky rocky nee-nee rockerbock rockel roccoli broccoli (that one they made up at 18 months.. witty, right?) cutie pie bud puppy friend sweetheart honey child buddy doogy doggy rockstar rocky boo boo sweetie pie best friend for Daddy daddy nee nee dudda dada duddy deedee daddy mr. daddio (hilarious, btw) john samuel johnny mr. johnny best friend mommy's husband nee nee for Mommy mommy nee nee mummy mama mommy leesha beautiful mommy mama eesha sweet pea yunyo mama teacher linda boo boo mom mom mom mama leeler for each other biyah micai sissy sister friend twinny yunyo grandma (one of their favorites for each other) anna cutie baby eesha sweetie baby nee nee stinko bud sister spanky sweetie leesha best friend husband ( i know) the list grows longer ev

today i am reflecting on the amazing blessings and promises of an all-powerful and Loving God. i see His Glory in so much around me and am reminded daily of His forgiving and sensitive nature. i think of how Viyah and Caiah have enriched my life and challenged me to press deeper into God for His wisdom and mercy and constant counsel.  i am in desperate need of His heart and His nature. i see how His Love has enveloped the girls' lives... how they pray for the most minor details and thank Him even for their hurt. they talk about what Jesus would want them to do and how He would be proud if they shared and were kind. their favorite type of music? "country... just kidding. Christian" they emphatically say. two years old and their favorite part of the week is Sunday morning church. they rush to get ready on time so that they can "praise Jesus" with mommy and daddy before going off to class. they love learning about God and the Bible and have already begun to

The winter did not bring the snow that we had hoped for. Clad in snowsuits and pink snow boots, the girls marched around our yard with barely an inch to examine, touch, hold, and throw. But we made the best of it, really. Spring is almost here. The sun is setting later and rising earlier, and the girls have noticed the change. I have noticed a million changes in them . They are more strong-willed than ever, changing the tone of their voice with pure purpose.  They appreciate their differences, though often crying for the same thing.  They are beginning to truly understand how powerful language and words are, how they can encourage and bring humor, how they can convey feelings of disappointment and hurt. They are constantly asking how things work and what someone is doing and why they are doing that thing at that very moment. They are finding parallels and drawing comparisons, intrigued by the differences in routine activities from day-to-day.  They are rational and can argue