butterfly. babies. love.

elisea sara greeted us with smiley eyes and a knowing smirk. we are absolutely enamored with her. this pregnancy and elisea's birth was a bit different than what i had with viy and cai. there was a lot more associated with elisea joining us. there was more expectation, more activity, and more, dare i say, pressure.... you see, when viy and cai were in my womb, we had no idea what to expect. the miracle of pregnancy was wonderful and then the miracle of twins was another layer of amazement for us. it was more than we had ever believed for ourselves, and we were constantly in awe of what God was doing and knew that our world would change, but that change was unknown. this time around, there was an element of experience and components of knowledge that informed our decisions and activities. we tried to get as much time in with the girls and ensure that Christmas season would still be about enjoying the story of Christ's birth, and celebrating with a tree and lights and

my short list. i am thankful for God's Love: a Love that is too sacrificial and too remarkable for my human heart to fully contain... and for a Grace and Hope that is too divine and illogical and limitless for my human mind to even begin to fathom. i am thankful for a strong, stubborn man who loves our family with every ounce in him, understanding my quirks and weaknesses, while encouraging me through his quiet gestures and his commitment to responsibility and love.  i am thankful for two little girls -- fierce and loyal and strong-willed and tough and still soft around the edges... for the incredible joy of watching them grow and the unique love that i get to receive and offer daily.  i am thankful for the littlest one being formed in my womb, for the suspense and the excitement and anxiety that she brings with each turn and kick and movement and heartbeat... and for the incredible opportunity to, once again, nurture and carry a child for these months of intimacy an

this time of year reminds me of my first fall in this area.. married four months and living in a cozy townhouse, struggling to feel comfortable in my new life and a new place... busy and ambitious as i taught at the community college and spent two nights out of the week enrolled in classes at upenn, seriously considering enrolling full-time in the phd program. life was so different. and i was so different. i found time to consistently write  poetry, still stumbling upon them seven years later as i try to organize bins in my closet or boxes in the storage area... i wondered about what my marriage would evolve into, what my husband would teach me about love and faith, and if i would ever truly feel that this was my life. i constantly found my mind wandering to how things were "back home" surrounded by family and cushioned by familiarity and safety. i looked forward to a time when i would be back in a high school classroom, teaching a curriculum that i helped write and fel

This season with the girls has been amazing. I am not simply referencing the whimsy of summer -- the fun activities outside involving water play and sunny skies or the late night snuggling.  I am thinking about this season of life…. these incredible chapters that are being co-written by two bright and amazing little girls. This is just a short list of what I am so incredibly grateful for these days: The morning snuggles when I am still in bed, and they carefully crawl in to cuddle – “Wake up smiling, Mommy, I am kissing you”. Their reminder to start the day with a Bible verse and the prayers that follow… prayers that can be incredibly poignant and sincere while equally and shockingly comedic. The constant lessons and poems and stories they are spinning… some true, some completely fictional, some loosely based on real events. The way they greet each other, with such enthusiasm and longing, after sleeping in separate rooms for their naps – “Hi Sister Boom, I miss

We have all experienced heartache. Our hearts feel empty, hollow, sometimes they feel filled.. but with emptiness and pain. There are different degrees and different depths, and different methods of comfort, of restoration, or healing. Sometimes the heartache is brought on by a pang of regret, a flood of memories, the reality of a situation... and sometimes, often, it is triggered by loss . The loss of a dream, a chance, hope, joy, opportunity. And the heartache that  leads us to a curl up into a small corner of our world, to a small dark space of isolation and of sobbing, heaving, clinging to small shards of life, of light, of hope -- the heartache that is associated with the loss of life. Whether it is of a friend, acquaintance, coworker, neighbor, or even a "stranger" that we have somehow grown connected to... this pain overwhelms us. And when it is the loss of family -- a grandparent, aunt or uncle, cousin, mother or father... child (whether young or old, or simply a

march 20th was international happiness day.  i loved seeing clips and links online of stories, scenes, and pictures that made people happy. it was a nice break from the usual...  and i started to reflect on what makes me happy. i listed a few cute-as-a-button anecdotes in my head and replayed some funny memories and then i started thinking about how happiness is fleeting.  happiness is a moment, even a long moment, that makes us smile or fills us with some sort of elation, but happiness dissipates. it comes and goes constantly, and occasionally making its presence known in the middle of a bleak day or a long winter, after that much-needed conversation, during a beautiful walk, while we are laughing with friends and loved ones. it reminds us of its existence when we are stopping to take a sip of warm tea or that morning coffee, and we have that nice moment. that moment where we smile and take a deep breath, and all seems well with the world. happiness is a great feeling, t

i know that all kids are pretty hilarious, but sometimes the girls are so funny or so witty or so logical or clever, that i have decided i need to start writing some of these snippets down.... i'll try to update when i can, but i know that i have already forgotten a hundred undeniably adorable words! me: i love you to the moon and back cai: well, that's good.... but i love you to the stars and back (daddy told her some stars are farther than the moon) viy: can i have dessert? me: bunny, dessert is after dinner.... you haven't even had dinner yet, you just finished lunch. viy: i did have dinner. me: what did you have for dinner? viy: breakfast. cai: viy, you can't drink from my cup. there could be germies. that would be so bad. only babies would do that. not a big kid. viy: cai, do you remember a few months ago? you ate from giddy's cake... he was barfing all day. what about his germies? cai: yeah, i got those germies. you want them too? hubs: wh

here's to a new year: here's to the four seasons covered in snow, and rain, and sunshine, and falling leaves, and flurries once again, reminding us of God's craftsmanship and the necessity of change here's to the quiet moments of introspection and solitude, of restfulness and peace here's to the loud clashing of deadlines and due dates, of fears and failures here's to the trials and tribulations that test our character and force our discovery here's to a world that embraces thoughtfulness and charity and truth here's to a community of believers that will witness and help and believe and love here's to the lives that we are yet to meet and hold and to the ones we will part with as we whisper goodbyes here's to the future heroes that have not yet chosen their path and to those who have not yet grown weary of doing good here's to those who are sinking in desperation finding hope and acceptance and life ..... here's to our litt