elisea sara greeted us with smiley eyes and a knowing smirk.
we are absolutely enamored with her.
this pregnancy and elisea's birth was a bit different than what i had with viy and cai. there was a lot more associated with elisea joining us. there was more expectation, more activity, and more, dare i say, pressure....
you see, when viy and cai were in my womb, we had no idea what to expect. the miracle of pregnancy was wonderful and then the miracle of twins was another layer of amazement for us. it was more than we had ever believed for ourselves, and we were constantly in awe of what God was doing and knew that our world would change, but that change was unknown.
this time around, there was an element of experience and components of knowledge that informed our decisions and activities.
we tried to get as much time in with the girls and ensure that Christmas season would still be about enjoying the story of Christ's birth, and celebrating with a tree and lights and fun decor and gifts and donations... we were sure to squeeze as much in as possible because we were well aware of what type of changes would be flooding our lives in a few short weeks.
this time around i had two little girls who were involved with so much of this process. these two little girls were the ones who began to pray for a sibling during their bedtime prayer before the hubs and i had thought about trying or planning to have another one. it was the longing in their voice and complete trust that made me re-evaluate our timeline of having another child. and it was their little hands wiping the tears from my face when i felt doubt about God's timing for this child. this time, i had, not just, a husband who constantly checked in with me to put my feet up and to rest and to take my vitamins, but also my children who were already so attached to this growing baby in my womb that they prayed every morning and every night that mommy and baby would be healthy and that God would sustain this pregnancy to the very end.
and when it became clear that we would have to have another c-section this time around, there was a fear that lasted a few seconds at a time... a fear that i will admit gripped me for those seconds.
it was a fear that i had only experienced for a few moments during the first section, and it was only when i was rolled into the cold, white, sterile room.... a fear that sent my head spinning... what if i never get to hold my baby? what if something happens to me? this time around, that possibility seemed so much heavier, so much scarier,,,, even if they only haunted me for seconds at a time. the idea that i would not get to hold little elisea close to me and feel her soft skin or look deep into her eyes or never see viyah and caiah greet their sister or miss out on the hubs beaming with pride and love upon first glance of this newest little love... and to think of all the things that i would never get to experience with them... those fears made themselves known much earlier than 40 weeks. there was this burden of letting everyone down if everything did not run smoothly, if i had complications...
this time around, i was so incredibly curious to know how this little girl would fit into our family... if she would look like viy and cai, if she would have their personality and their sleeping and eating patterns, if she would be independent and filled with sass at such an early stage...
even for the few days that she has been here, it has been great to see how my curiosity has begun to be answered.
it is true that we had some idea about what it would be like this time around, and yet there are still new elements and emotions and depths of love that i did not know possible... elisea's introduction into our lives, her perfect entrance into our ordered chaos, and her strong, though tiny presence reminds us of how much we have to be grateful for.
little elisea's name was not an accident... we thought long and hard about the direction of her life and the direction of our lives, and what banner we would like to wave with our little one's birth. "God is my Salvation"... for us, there are no doubts in regards to this proclamation. for us, there are no questions in regards to the answer.
for us, there are realities of life and of fears and moments of hardship and of illness and of challenges, but always, always, we have this assurance.
my prayer and hope is that little elisea clings to that definition. it has always sustained us... even when we thought we knew and those days when we were well aware that we did not have a clue.
it is the beauty of this life for our family, the constant mysteries and suspense that comes with living in a world that saddens us and challenges us with its circumstances, but can also bring us happiness and necessary lessons.
each life has a meaning and a purpose, each life has value.
so i introduce elisea sara,... praying that her value and meaning and purpose is ever-apparent and never questioned in her own eyes and the eyes of others.
may she grow to be strong and determined and loving and patient and kind.
and may she always live to understand the meaning of her name.
we are absolutely enamored with her.
you see, when viy and cai were in my womb, we had no idea what to expect. the miracle of pregnancy was wonderful and then the miracle of twins was another layer of amazement for us. it was more than we had ever believed for ourselves, and we were constantly in awe of what God was doing and knew that our world would change, but that change was unknown.
this time around, there was an element of experience and components of knowledge that informed our decisions and activities.
we tried to get as much time in with the girls and ensure that Christmas season would still be about enjoying the story of Christ's birth, and celebrating with a tree and lights and fun decor and gifts and donations... we were sure to squeeze as much in as possible because we were well aware of what type of changes would be flooding our lives in a few short weeks.
this time around i had two little girls who were involved with so much of this process. these two little girls were the ones who began to pray for a sibling during their bedtime prayer before the hubs and i had thought about trying or planning to have another one. it was the longing in their voice and complete trust that made me re-evaluate our timeline of having another child. and it was their little hands wiping the tears from my face when i felt doubt about God's timing for this child. this time, i had, not just, a husband who constantly checked in with me to put my feet up and to rest and to take my vitamins, but also my children who were already so attached to this growing baby in my womb that they prayed every morning and every night that mommy and baby would be healthy and that God would sustain this pregnancy to the very end. and when it became clear that we would have to have another c-section this time around, there was a fear that lasted a few seconds at a time... a fear that i will admit gripped me for those seconds.
it was a fear that i had only experienced for a few moments during the first section, and it was only when i was rolled into the cold, white, sterile room.... a fear that sent my head spinning... what if i never get to hold my baby? what if something happens to me? this time around, that possibility seemed so much heavier, so much scarier,,,, even if they only haunted me for seconds at a time. the idea that i would not get to hold little elisea close to me and feel her soft skin or look deep into her eyes or never see viyah and caiah greet their sister or miss out on the hubs beaming with pride and love upon first glance of this newest little love... and to think of all the things that i would never get to experience with them... those fears made themselves known much earlier than 40 weeks. there was this burden of letting everyone down if everything did not run smoothly, if i had complications...
this time around, i was so incredibly curious to know how this little girl would fit into our family... if she would look like viy and cai, if she would have their personality and their sleeping and eating patterns, if she would be independent and filled with sass at such an early stage...
even for the few days that she has been here, it has been great to see how my curiosity has begun to be answered.
it is true that we had some idea about what it would be like this time around, and yet there are still new elements and emotions and depths of love that i did not know possible... elisea's introduction into our lives, her perfect entrance into our ordered chaos, and her strong, though tiny presence reminds us of how much we have to be grateful for.
little elisea's name was not an accident... we thought long and hard about the direction of her life and the direction of our lives, and what banner we would like to wave with our little one's birth. "God is my Salvation"... for us, there are no doubts in regards to this proclamation. for us, there are no questions in regards to the answer.
for us, there are realities of life and of fears and moments of hardship and of illness and of challenges, but always, always, we have this assurance.
my prayer and hope is that little elisea clings to that definition. it has always sustained us... even when we thought we knew and those days when we were well aware that we did not have a clue.
it is the beauty of this life for our family, the constant mysteries and suspense that comes with living in a world that saddens us and challenges us with its circumstances, but can also bring us happiness and necessary lessons.
each life has a meaning and a purpose, each life has value.
so i introduce elisea sara,... praying that her value and meaning and purpose is ever-apparent and never questioned in her own eyes and the eyes of others.
may she grow to be strong and determined and loving and patient and kind.
and may she always live to understand the meaning of her name.
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